Sunday, January 24, 2016

What Exactly Is That Stupid Tiny Pocket Within A Pocket On Your Jeans For?


Usually on my morning commutes, I'm fairly disconnected from the world; yet to properly wake from my slumber. However, today after my second coffee I was more pucker than usual, so my daily complaints came early. Today's topic was a slightly weird one.
I'd reached into my jean pocket to get my phone, but in doing so my finger got caught on that stupid non-pocket that's inside your actual pocket. It ripped my nail and I was less than impressed. What's it even for anyway?
Apparently, it's a 'watch pocket', used by cowboys in the 1800s. As I'm not a cowboy and it's 2016, I wondered how it could be used today. Possibly as a place to store your wrap of cocaine, but I wouldn't know anything about that.
So what else? Small emergency foods? A rogue Roses caramel barrel, for example.


A spare double A battery? Many items powered by AA batteries are usually ineffective without said batteries, so it's smart to carry them around.


What about a toy car? It could be used to distract children who attack you in the street.


A sachet of McDonald's salt? You never know when you'll need to season anything. It's better to be prepared and have a salt sachet at the ready. I'll be damned if I'm carrying a salt shaker anywhere. Not again. Not in this life.
Notably, sugar can be used in the same context.


A few paracetamol will also fit. However, swallowing medicine covered in denim fluff may have negative health implications.
Following extensive research, I found you cannot fit a full size apple in the pocket. However, once you've eaten said apple, you can fit the core in there. Which I'm sure we can all appreciate.


It's also quite useful for change. But that's really boring, to be honest.

Drunk Aussies Film Themselves Thwarting A Robbery Attempt On A Local Supermarket


A couple of lads, from the Gold Coast of Australia, foiled an attempted robbery on a local supermarket last night.
James Ross-Munroe and Kane Wiblen where chilling at Arundel service station late at night when they witnessed the would-be thieves breaking into a shop called Oporto.
That's when, despite only wearing sandals and shorts, and coming across a bit worse for wear, James put an abrupt end to the criminal's plans. He started by nabbing their car keys from the ignition whilst they were still in the shop.
All the odds seemed against James; he didn't look to be in any state to be preventing a serious crime after all, he had just busted a plugga (broken his flip flops). But that didn't stop him attempting to alert others to call the relevant authorities and, when that failed, chasing the criminals himself.
And of course it wasn't long before a hilarious video of the bare-chested man, running after the hapless burglars whilst shouting 'come ere you little bastards' in true Aussie style, surfaced online. Because that's what happens to anything that's even remotely interesting these days.

It's understood that despite the gallant efforts from James Ross-Munroe, the crooks got away. One has since been arrested and remains in police custody and the other is still at large, according to Gold Coast Bulletin.
The pair posted their clip of the action onto Facebook along with a caption saying: "The moment we caught two blokes breaking into Oportos Arundel, they ran inside so I took their keys out of the ignition.
"When the driver came back to the car he realised his keys were missing, the passenger jumped in and I managed to land a few punches ...
"I chased them but because I'm fat they got away."
Honest and brave, fair play James. I'm sure a sterling career in law enforcement is well within your grasp.

Someone Has Recreated The Mrs Doubtfire Trailer As A Horror And It's Frightening


Mrs Doubtfire was one of my favourite movies growing up and, to be honest, if I whacked it on tonight I'd probably still enjoy it just as much as I did as a kid.
Today however I stumbled across a trailer for Mrs Doubtfire that had been cut and edited by Peter Javidpour into a horror movie and it is absolutely superb.
The late great Robin Williams plays a psychotic father who just wants to be closer to his kids and the rest is, well.... horrifying.

Thats going to make the next Mrs Doubtfire viewing a whole lot different. Or not. Its still a class edit.



Bully Picks On The Wrong Kid And Instantly Regrets It

 
Nobody likes a bully, except when they’re served a massive portion of karma and this lad got just that…

This bully attacked a kid who was just walking down the street, minding his own business.

Maybe it was his colourful backpack that made him a target? Whatever the ridiculous reason was, the bully got exactly what was coming to him.

After trying to elbow the poor kid in the head a few times and bring him to the ground, they both get separated and the supposed victim takes off his flamboyant bag. Now you know shit’s gunna get real…

That’s when the tale gets completely flipped on its head. The ‘victim’ pushes the bully to the ground and then smashes him with a kick to the face.

The kid then completely kills the fight with another nasty hit to the face and the bully gets knocked out cold. He then picks up his bag and goes on with his day, casual as you like…

Never fuck with a kid who has the confidence to rock an orange leopard print backpack. End of.

Saturday, January 23, 2016

Everybody Is Losing Their Shit About This Ridiculous Picture Of Tupac 'Alive And Well In Cuba' With Rihanna


Tupac is alive and well in Cuba and he's been partying with Rihanna, allegedly.
Photographs have emerged online supposedly showing the rapper, who was gunned down in a drive-by shooting in 1996, posing with the 27-year-old singer.
Conspiracy theorists have long claimed that Tupac faked his own death and will no doubt be rejoicing that this is proof he's actually been in hiding for these last 19 years.
However, we're not convinced as it seems he hasn't aged a damn day. Have a look for yourself...

The legendary wordsmith, whose birth name was Lesane Parish Crooks, was a central figure in the escalating East Coast/West Coast rap rivalry in the nineties before his murder in 1996.
He was taken to the University Medical Center of Southern Nevada hospital where his life support machine was turned off six days after the shooting. It is still considered an unresolved homicide.

Seriously though, this is absolutely ridiculous. Yeah, it looks like him but Tupac really being alive and partying with Rihanna?! Nah. 

New Emojis Are Coming And We Will Finally Have Bacon


Lads, the bacon emoji is coming.
Nah I'm serious. No longer will you have to write out five whole letters on your phone when you're hungover. Okay, yes, you will have to scroll through the emojis the first few times until they're solidly in your 'most commonly used' section... but it's worth it.
According to HelloU, the Unicode Consortium have just approved a new batch of 74 to be released later this year.
Sadly, we don't yet know exactly what they'll look like... but Unicode have mocked up a selection of them.

















Genius Builds Real Lightsaber And It’s As Dangerous As It Sounds


Constructing your own lightsaber is an important part of any Jedi’s training, and now this guy’s teaching the world how to build their own sophisticated weapon from a more civilised age.
Allen Pan of Sufficiently Advanced has designed and built an amazing flame-throwing lightsaber which is probably as close as we’ll ever get to the real thing.

There’s just one small problem – it runs on alcohol – and we’re pretty sure that if Jedi aren’t allowed to do ‘death sticks’ then alcohol’s probably a big no no as well.
Pan has released a second video detailing the secret to building the weapon, although we can’t really recommend constructing your own – aside from it being pretty dangerous, we’ve been led to believe it’ll attract stormtroopers to your moisture farm.

Pan is clearly a wizard and has previously made Thor’s mighty hammer ‘Mjolnir’ that only the worthy can lift. Badass.